Wrestling with my thoughts

Ultimately, blaming someone else for your troubles is a waste of time. Worse than a waste in fact, as it poisons you and makes your soul whirl with revenge. This desire for revenge is insidious. It touches all kinds of things in our value sets that don't seem related at all. But it's cancerous. The more the urge is indulged, which includes thinking about it, the more it spreads and corupts our entire spirit. Rooting out the will to revenge is difficult, as it ends with rooting out faith in the morality of the universe, the purest, deepest poison of the soul. As far as blaming others goes, it makes more sense to fix the things that you can fix, complain when it accomplishes something, and remember the value of not noticing things.

A parable: two climbers are scaling the frigid heights of a mountain. The first climber slips from a ledge and is barely snatched by the second climber. As the first climber dangles by his hand over the precipice, the second climber wracks his brain to come up with a way out of the predicament. The second climber then notices that the first climber is not even breathing heavily. "Don't you think you should be a little more worried," the second climber shouts, "you've got a real problem here!" "Alas, my friend, my situation could hardly be simpler, I can do nothing but hold on. I fear it is you who has the problem."

The stricture: Know your boundaries.

Dreams

I had two very odd dreams this morning, but I'll tell you the second one first. I was visiting the CallowQueen at her father's house, where they had gotten a pet panda bear. This thing was huge, bigger than real panda bears, also, it wasn't actually a panda bear, in that strange way that dreams have. It had a narrow, pointed snout, and a long neck, and it's fur was totally white. It was also very playful. This bit was probably inspired by playing wth Simon and Jacob last night. In fact, that reminds me of another dream I had last night, where I was visiting some people who had two cats, though their names were different, and one was calico. In that dream, we were in the back yard with the cats, when we were attacked by wolves. We all ran inside, but noticed that one of the cats was missing. Before we could get the door closed, the other cat, the calico one named Daniel, streaked out to fight the wolves. Miraculously, both cats returned unharmed. Anyway, back to the panda dream. There was something wrong with the panda, and no one could figure out what it was, so the CallowQueen wrapped it up in a bedsheet and carried it off to the vet. Seriously folks, this thing was bigger than me. It was the size of a small horse. Maybe I should be nicer to her.

Anyway, the first dream, which was very disturbing. My dad was trying to kill me. The creepy part was that the rest of that dream was very realistic. I could even think straight. Basically, he started going after me with a knife. So I figured he was just playing around, but then I realized that my dad would never under any circumstances play with a knife. I also realized that he had a very strange look in his eye. I'm going to blame all of this on Kikkaider, because then I tried to reason with him as we struggled over the knife ( I had managed to grab his wrist) but it did no good. I ended up screaming for help, which actually worked (I told you the dream was eerie) and some people dragged him off of me. I was thoroughly distressed for the rest of the night. Anyway, my parents are coming by to take me to breakfast, so that's all for now.

So I tried to spell-check, but my Earthlink said no. Too bad.

For Real

Well, obviously, that worked. I first had the idea for this blog when I was thinking about al of the thoughts in my head and realizing that they all mostly go nowhere. Maybe that would be best anyway on the whole dross principle. Of course, with the ridiculous amounts of storage available on the internet, it's a moot point for now. So I'll beusing this blog as archival storage for my brain more than anything else. Therefore, it's likely to be disjointed, badly written, and often completely impenetrable. At least that's what I hope it will be, and I don't fall into my old clowning routine completely. We'll see.

So this morning I was thinking again about how the Democratic Party is like the Gundam soldiers from Gundam Wing. We tried to bring people a message of hope, only to learn that it wasn't what people wanted anymore. So even though the DP official who lives in my building keeps urging me to go to their meetings, (though she's never, ever actually given me any of that information about where they are that she keeps promising), I am dubious aout the prospects of our party for the time being. We need to stop trying to figure out how the GOP snookered everybody. I don't think they did, as depressing as that is. We live in an age of unprecedented fear in America. After inheriting the perfect world that our forebears built for us, we are terrified of losing it. Like a rich man in a poor neighborhood, we are more concerned with locking and chaining every door and window than we are with sharing the wealth. I say we because I feel it too, this terrible fear of screwing up my perfect life. What I should do is move to Nigeria. Or KCK. Sorry, CallowQueen :). So I guess I'm managing to kep my sense of humor, but I wonder in my darker moments what the world will be like in my middle age. How will this joyride come to an end, and will we survive it, when it does? I don't know.

I think I'll put my slippers on.

Much better.

I mean, what happens if we do rid ourselves of Rumsfeld? Somebody worse will just replace him. The problem is socio-cultural, not political. This is not a good time for me to be listening to the Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock, but that's what's on my rotation, alas. Mind you, anybody can point out a problem, and I understand that, but waht is the solution? Are even my fellow dems capable of understanding this? The solution to this problem is the same as the solution to all of our cultural problems. Long, slow grass-roots work to convince people to aim higher. It's too bad that no group of more than twenty or thirty people ever has any patience.

Now I'm actually listening to Eminem!

If anybody's actually still reading this, I apologize. I'll post again later.

Testing

Ok, so this is just a test of the BBS (Buddha Broadcast System) Id this were a real post, it would be marginally more interesting.